20-Sun-Oct-2024
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Author :
Dr. Sheikh Jeelani
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BNYS | FTECH
Porn is one of those things that can be quite variable depending on the individuals involved, communication between those individuals, past behavior, and current relationship conditions – even the type of porn can be a factor. So partners can find themselves in a variety of scenarios. Here are just a few to consider:
Scenario 1: The relationship is 6 years old. Partner X has never watched porn before, but suddenly sneaks off to their laptop every night to log on to Pornhub, which makes Partner Y feel insecure.
Scenario 2: Both partners approve of some porn, but not on specifics. Misogynistic movies online? They might agree those are off-limits, but what about “ethical” or “feminist” porn websites? What about apps that feature audio porn?
Scenario 3: Partners agree to watch porn to turn up the heat, and Partner X is psyched while Partner Y- who was taught that ALL porn is wrong- is dreading the big event.
Scenario 4: During a rough patch in a 3-year-old marriage, Partner X becomes concerned when they find Partner Y’s erotica collection in their night table drawer.
Scenario 5: Partner X and Partner Y both grew up in cultures that believed all porn is wrong and sinful. However, they disagree and would like to explore. Regrettably, they never get around to it because they don’t know how to talk about their sexual preferences with one another.
Scenario 6: Partner X becomes upset when learning that Partner Y is watching someone on OnlyFans and interacting with them, despite having expressed the opinion that other types of porn are okay.
So what conclusions can you draw? Perhaps the only surefire takeaway is that porn, like anything else that has to do with sexuality, is intensely personal. As with any other sexual health issues, the best way forward is for partners to communicate their needs and desires with one another. This way, they can create a set of collective values that aren’t set in stone but instead can serve as a springboard for conversation as the relationship evolves.
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